


The Queendom of Missy I

by Tish



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Chocolate, Gen, Pumpkins, Trapped, Trick or Treat: Trick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16386407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: If you're going to be trapped in a weird landscape that makes wishes real, at least make it pretty and with yummy treats to eat. Right?





	The Queendom of Missy I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ruuger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruuger/gifts).



“Well now, it looks like just you and me, kiddo,” Missy said with far too much relish for Bill's liking.

Bill gritted her teeth as she span around to survey their new surroundings. “If this is one of your mind games, I will take you apart limb from limb.”

Missy pulled a face as she inspected her multi-phasic spectral analyser. “Look, I was having far too much fun with The Doctor and your little hard-boiled egg friend to drag us away to this very dull place. I mean, look at it. Grey everywhere. Yawnarama. At least the transference beam was bright and sparkly!”

Bill squinted into the distance, trying to find where the sky began and the land ended. “Right, so you have no idea where we are? Was there anything unique about that transfer thingy?”

Missy pondered the question. “No idea, though this place does look familiar. Yes, it's the Land of the Boring Landscape.”

“That's not a place,” Bill said with a growl as she rolled her eyes.

“It is now. I just named this place,” Missy declared as she fiddled with the analyser.

“I suppose you're going to plant your brolly in the ground and proclaim yourself Queen Missy the First,” Bill said, utterly failing to keep the sarcasm from her voice.

Missy brightened. “What a wonderful idea! My first order of business is to brighten up the place.” She slammed the end of her umbrella down into the soil.

There was an ominous crackling sound as the ground started to shake and a series of crooked lines radiated from the umbrella spike. A flash of light exploded around them, leaving Bill crouched down, her arms shielding her face.

“Oh, did I do that? Although I did mean brighten up as in cheer up, rather than ramp up the lumens,” Missy happily prattled on as Bill's eyes adjusted slightly to the brightness.

“No fucking way,” Bill muttered as colour started to flow around them. It wasn't the blue sky or green grass she was used to, but she'd take it, she thought to herself as she watched pink and orange merge in the sky. Down at their feet, a soft violet spread out, darker purple patches springing up in places.

“Language!” Missy scolded her, a grin slowly overtaking her face.

“If this place is granting wishes, then I'd like an exit back to The Doctor and Nardole, please,” Bill said. “A green door with a tarnished brass handle.”

An orange pumpkin appeared on the ground in front of them instead.

“Not quite what I asked for,” Bill sighed. "Maybe it'll turn into a carriage and we could ride out of here on it."

“I was just thinking I could murder a wee snack,” Missy cooed. “All I need is a great big knife!”

Bill took a step back, eyes widening. "Maybe just use your laser instead.”

“You seem rather nervous at the thought of me with a knife, my dear. It's not as though I would chase you through a desolate landscape with nowhere to go and no-one to help you,” Missy's voice was far too cheery as she aimed at the pumpkin.

The top of the pumpkin fizzled as Missy cut a circle around it, popping up to reveal a pile of multicoloured, metallic objects inside. She picked up a handful and held them out to Bill.

“What are they?”

“Open one and find out!” Missy made an annoyed _tsk_ sound as she juggled the little balls about.

Bill stared at the balls doubtfully.

“Fine,” Missy said flatly, unwrapping one to reveal a dark chocolate ball. She popped it in her mouth and closed her eyes with delight.

“Chocolate?” Bill said incredulously, as she tentatively took a gold wrapped one and inhaled the aroma. “They're not poisonous, are they?”

“Of course not. Want me to taste test them all?” Missy purred.

“NO!” Bill stuffed the chocolate in her mouth and carefully chewed, letting the caramel filling delight her taste buds.

They quickly devoured the handful, savouring the subtle tastes – lime, white chocolate, orange, and strawberry, before diving in for another handful.

The foil wrappers crinkled and crackled as Bill opened another one, suddenly stopping. “We shouldn't eat them all. Save some for The Doctor and Nardy.”

Missy nodded at the pumpkin. “It's still full,' she said through a mouthful of Turkish Delight.

Bill stopped mid-chew, then carefully swallowed. “We should try to get back. This must be some sort of trap.”

“A trap? Not in my Queendom. Green door, brass handle, you say?” Missy set her gaze a few feet ahead of them, intense concentration written over her face. A green door appeared in front of them. “Gold handle, close enough.” She scooped up the umbrella and pumpkin, then opened the door.

Bill joined her and cautiously peered through it. “Scan it. Is it real?”

Missy did so with a shrug and stepped through, standing aside as Bill nearly leapt onto her. With a soft sigh, the door disappeared and they were back where they started. Bill placed a hand on a wall, relieved to find it seem solid and real.

“I hope this isn't an illusion, that we're still stuck in that place,” Bill said quietly.

“Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. We might live and die our entire lives in a fantasy,” Missy replied. “Listen, The Doctor's making one of his grandiose speeches. Let's go share our treats.”

Bill couldn't hear anything as they walked on, only when they turned a corner did she hear his voice in the distance. She took a deep breath and let some hope back in heart that they were back in their usual reality.

Behind them, the colours started to fade to a muted grey.

 


End file.
